In CategoryNavel Gazing

Remember how I said I was trying some new stuff to help with the Menopausey-ness of it all? Well, the gyno listened to my stories and said that we should try some hormone therapy, aka low dose birth control pills. So I took them for three months and then went back to the doc to talk about how we thought it was going. I said it seemed fine, that some days I thought it was helping with my mood swings and some days I didn’t –

well, actually, I put Jim in charge of paying attention to my emotional state because I feel like I have lost all sense of perception. Like, am I cranky? Or does everyone just need to stop pissing me off? Jim said sometimes I still seemed grouchy, and I was like they aren’t Stepford Wife Pills, JIM. I’m not SEDATED. Jeez.

– but that I had been having a lot more migraines lately and wondered if the pills had anything to do with it. She perked up at that and asked me a few more questions about the headaches and then said, “okay, you’re done. you can’t take them anymore, you could have a stroke.”  I blinked. “What? We aren’t even going to talk about it? Just no?” Right. Just no. And then she said stroke a few more times until finally I burst out, “STOP SAYING STROKE FOR SHIT’S SAKE I AM ONLY FORTY THREE!” and clapped my hand over my mouth in surprise. The doctor laughed and went on to tell me about the next step, which is basically antidepressants.

I have lots of mixed feelings about antidepressants. For one thing, I am not depressed. I am cranky. I don’t have any of the symptoms of depression, except being tired a lot, which I think is more about staying up late watching The Real Housewives. If antidepressants help the Terminally Crabby, why don’t they say that? Why don’t they call them AntiGrouchants? How come you never hear about celebrities with anger management issues being prescribed antidepressants and then never having another outburst? (coughAlecBaldwincough) Are they just throwing antidepressants at grouchy 40-somethings and hoping we go away? Or do they really help? I don’t see how being annoyed and being depressed are related, therefore I don’t see how antidepressants would help. Does that make sense? Plus also, being annoyed is surely sometimes NORMAL. I mean, other people are annoying! Is taking antidepressants for crankiness the old lady equivalent to drugging 6 year old boys because they don’t want to sit still for 8 hours a day? By which I mean, trying to drug away the normal? Do I really want to muck around in my brain? That’s scary. What if I turn into a zombie? What if I have some terrible reaction? What if I decide to go off them and have those horrible suicidal withdrawels you hear so much about? What if this is the beginning of some stupid endless roller coaster of doctor’s appointments and trying various medications that creates more problems than it solves? We have some new insurance that is impossible to deal with and makes me want to stab someone (in a normal way, obv).

ANYWAY. I have a lot of thoughts, as you can see. You guys have any thoughts?