Random Monday

In CategoryRandom Monday
ByDeb

Random-Monday-Main-Final

• I got an email from Ashley Madison over the weekend. Ashley Madison apparently being an online matchmaking service, but for married people. The subject line was “Life is Short! Have an Affair!”

Firstly, is that really a compelling argument for an affair? Because life is short? All that tagline does is make me want to come up with my own – “Life is Short! Make a Huge Mistake While You Still Can!” or “Life is Short! Make Your Kids Hate You Forever!” or “Regret Not Being a Whore in High School? Make up for Lost Time!”

Secondly, how did Ashley Madison get my email address? I am not their target demographic. For one thing, between homeschooling and a husband that works from home, the last time I was alone was in 2004. Plus also I have already reassured Jim that I would only cheat if it was with George Clooney. He was like, “well, have him buy you lots of presents, we could use the money.”

This post, which contains one of the best lines I’ve ever read about being a stay-at-home-mom – I didn’t give up myself for them. I became my true self through loving and mothering them.

• I need some suggestions for books for Little. She is a competent reader, but she doesn’t have the confidence to match. She like to read below her ability (which is fine), and she also basically refuses to read books that her brother read first. So the Boxcar Children, Cul-de-Sac Kids, The Littles…. all those awesome series’ that I gave Big are dead to her. I downloaded some Beverly Cleary – I read all her books when I was a kid – but want to preview them first for content.

Any other ideas? Finding books I find acceptable is a real struggle, and having her turn up her nose at Big’s books doesn’t help. I find most contemporary books lacking. The writing is insipid, the storylines are uninteresting, and finding books without magic, witches, or supernatural stuff is near impossible. Yes, I am one of those people who has never read Harry Potter. Judge me if you must, I know I am eye-rollingly picky.

Help? Melanie? Tressa? Karen? Anyone?

• Happy Monday, y’all!

Bad Things

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

• First of all, I was supposed to get a root canal this morning. But my stupid tooth did not respond to the “tests” aka “mean and hurty things with tiny hammers.” So she told me I should wait and see what happens. I’ll tell you what is going to happen – I’ll be having a root canal in two weeks.

• Second of all, and this is the WORST, I was at TJ Maxx with New Friend (how I have survived this long without the joy of designer fashions at affordable prices, I don’t know), and the checkout boy said to me, “you look familiar, I wonder if you are one of my mom’s friends.”

HIS MOM, PEOPLE.

As I was sputtering about this on the way out to the car, New Friend – who shall be known henceforth as Probationary Friend – said, “you know you’re old enough to be that boy’s mama, right?”

Betrayal, people. You don’t even know.

I am certain there’s more, especially since I took a quiz on Facebook that proclaimed me 47% Bitchy, but I can’t remember because of that Old Enough to be a College Kid’s Mother business.