Elf on a Shelf: Just Say No.

In CategoryNavel Gazing

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I don’t get it.

I’d never even heard of it before a couple years ago.

So basically, I’m supposed to make a mess in my own house that I will have to clean up (because cleaning = Super! Fun!), then make up some creepy story about a creepy elf that comes to life at night and creepily flies around making giant messes that I thinks are funny and cute, but if my kids did that crap, I’d have a hissy fit?

A quick search on Pinterest finds these Elf-on-a-Shelf ideas:

Elf 4

Elf goes fishing in the toilet for goldfish crackers.

FISHING IN THE TOILET. Didn’t I spend, like, 3 years teaching people to stay out of the toilet? And then I’m supposed to put FOOD in there? Does this person even HAVE kids?

And since no one ever gets tired of chipping toothpaste cement off the bathroom counter, there’s this one –

Elf 7

Maybe he’s just setting the scene for his Hot Tub Par-Tay!

Elf 1

Barbies are such trollops.

Elf! What does a girl have to do to get a drink during this for-the-children holiday extravaganza?

Elf 2

Uh-oh. Elf overdid it. Blame it on the Goose, Elf.

Elf 5

Elf-on-a-shelf. Keeping it classy.

elf 3

The other toys are tired of Elf’s nonsense. Watch out, my pretties, or they’ll come for you, too.

Elf 6

Sweetie, stop crying. It’s CUTE! Not scary! See the other toys are holding Elf hostage! Isn’t that funny? Because he got loaded and had a naked Barbie party in the sink and He-Man is jealous! He-Man has been trying to get in Barbie’s pants for YEARS. It’s funny! Sweetie. Stop crying. Your toys won’t tape you to the floor in the middle of the night. It’s just pretend. Mom did it. What? No, mom doesn’t think it’s funny when you don’t flush. Just when Elf doesn’t. He poops chocolate! Isn’t that hilarious! Sweetie. Stop crying.


Elf on a Shelf: Ain’t nobody got time for that.

13 Responses to “Elf on a Shelf: Just Say No.”

  1. Kristy Says:

    HA! Nailed it!
    Although I must say that had I heard of this when my children were toddlers, I would have totally gone for it.

  2. Applie Says:

    Funny post!
    Applie´s last blog post ..Carrying Stuff

  3. Karen@Candid Diversions Says:

    And all God’s people said Amen.
    Karen@Candid Diversions´s last blog post ..Favorite Pins Friday

  4. Hannah @Supermommy!...Or Not Says:

    You forgot to mention the elf’s eyes…creepy.
    Hannah @Supermommy!…Or Not´s last blog post ..Absence

  5. New Friend Says:

    Okay. Thanks. Because now I want to do this for Steve every day. In Elf on a Shelf defense, I thought you were just supposed to hide him every night and in the morning the kids look for him. I didn’t know he was a DEBAUCHEROUS elf, but I have to say I like him a whole lot more now. I think I may even learn a trick or two from that little guy. If you see him around tell him New Friend has tequila and whiskey.

  6. hikooky Says:

    I so agree. Do not have time for that. p.s. My kids wouldn’t be impressed, so yet one more reason not to even think about doing it.

  7. Jessica Says:

    The thing about the Elf is that it’s not a tradition! It’s a marketing thing and it just happened a few years ago. I am not a fan but I do really like the dinosaur mess idea that’s popped up recently.
    Jessica´s last blog post ..Easter Was Last Week, Right?

  8. Shaun Hoobler Says:

    I don’t think I’ll buy that elf. Don’t trust a toy that prefers to hang out in a toilet.
    Shaun Hoobler´s last blog post ..android app dev

  9. Leslie Says:

    But you must remember that you don’t HAVE to pose the elf having drunken naked parties with barbie, or pooping, or playing with the toilet. There are lots of “wholesome” ideas on Pinterest. I think it gives the kids something fun and magical to wake up to in the morning during the christmas season.
    That being said, I don’t have one, and won’t buy one because they’re ridiculously expensive. 😉

  10. Tressa Says:

    He is just creepy.
    Tressa´s last blog post ..Strange or not-so-strange Encounters

  11. Nan | wrathofmom Says:

    Jessica (#7) is right on the money. This is a commerical product cleverly marketed as traditional. In that respect it’s genius because it spread thru word of mouth rapidly. Personally if I were interested in manufacturing MORE holiday work for myself, I’d just buy a less terrifying elf and do may damnedest not to fall into the trap of out-Elfing the other mothers.

  12. Lisa Says:

    Got to say I have never wanted one … until now that is. Those pics are classic. I thought commercial Elf on a Shelf simply hid too but these nutters take it to a whole new level. I applaud their committment!
    Lisa´s last blog post ..Male Logic

  13. Julie Says:

    I was laughing so hard I choked! Thanks Deb! Totally made my day!