Elf on a Shelf: Just Say No.

In CategoryNavel Gazing

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I don’t get it.

I’d never even heard of it before a couple years ago.

So basically, I’m supposed to make a mess in my own house that I will have to clean up (because cleaning = Super! Fun!), then make up some creepy story about a creepy elf that comes to life at night and creepily flies around making giant messes that I thinks are funny and cute, but if my kids did that crap, I’d have a hissy fit?

A quick search on Pinterest finds these Elf-on-a-Shelf ideas:

Elf 4

Elf goes fishing in the toilet for goldfish crackers.

FISHING IN THE TOILET. Didn’t I spend, like, 3 years teaching people to stay out of the toilet? And then I’m supposed to put FOOD in there? Does this person even HAVE kids?

And since no one ever gets tired of chipping toothpaste cement off the bathroom counter, there’s this one –

Elf 7

Maybe he’s just setting the scene for his Hot Tub Par-Tay!

Elf 1

Barbies are such trollops.

Elf! What does a girl have to do to get a drink during this for-the-children holiday extravaganza?

Elf 2

Uh-oh. Elf overdid it. Blame it on the Goose, Elf.

Elf 5

Elf-on-a-shelf. Keeping it classy.

elf 3

The other toys are tired of Elf’s nonsense. Watch out, my pretties, or they’ll come for you, too.

Elf 6

Sweetie, stop crying. It’s CUTE! Not scary! See the other toys are holding Elf hostage! Isn’t that funny? Because he got loaded and had a naked Barbie party in the sink and He-Man is jealous! He-Man has been trying to get in Barbie’s pants for YEARS. It’s funny! Sweetie. Stop crying. Your toys won’t tape you to the floor in the middle of the night. It’s just pretend.¬†Mom did it. What? No, mom doesn’t think it’s funny when you don’t flush. Just when Elf doesn’t. He poops chocolate! Isn’t that hilarious! Sweetie. Stop crying.


Elf on a Shelf: Ain’t nobody got time for that.