This Never Happens With Oreos

In CategoryNavel Gazing

So the other night, I was doing a bunch of cooking for the freezer, as is my wont, and I was making Green Chile and Tomatillo Pork Stew (which is quite possibly the BEST THING EVER).

I was actually cooking a ton of stuff at the same time, because at some point I would like to sit on my butt and watch television instead of cook dinner all the dadgum time, you know what I’m saying?

So I was sauteing onions and chopping jalapenos, and giving Jim directions on what to get me out of the pantry, when a jalapeno seed flew in my eye.



As you may know, the seeds contain a majority of the HEAT in a pepper.

I race to the sink, shrieking “ohmygosh-ohmygosh-ohmygosh” over and over again, trying to pry open my eyes to rip my contacts out and flush them with water, but then realizing that my hands were covered with jalapeno oils and I was actually making it worse, and I’m essentially blinded and blinking and flushing and I can FEEL the SEED burning a HOLE IN MY RETINA, practically, and I’m washing my hands and trying to scoop cold water into my face and I can feel the seed up under my eyelid and it was basically a whole THING.

In between gasps of AGONY, I still managed to give Jim instructions, telling him to turn down the onions and open the tomato paste for me. Multitasking!

After all the hubbub settled down and we determined I didn’t need to go to the stupid EMERGENCY ROOM on MEMORIAL DAY, which surely would have been a cheap visit, Jim asked me if I would rather have a jalapeno pepper in my eye, or an ant.

I still don’t know.