It was just a burgler alarm

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

So Monday morning at some-unholy-number-that-starts-with-a-five, Jim and I were awakened by a siren.

Wait, let me back up.

Sunday night when I went to bed, the Weather Channel app on my phone showed 3 Severe Weather Alerts – high wind, flooding, and landslides.

Then we awoke to a really loud siren. We are about 100 yards from the beach, six blocks from the mouth of a flood-happy river, and at the base of a hill.

We stumbled around for a bit, peering into the dark and trying to see where it was coming from. We even called the police station to see if there it was a Flood Alarm or Landslide Alarm or Holy Crap The World Is Ending, Get The Hell Out Alarm.

The switchboard operator assured us that she didn’t know what it was. Which was comforting.

Eventually, it got a little lighter outside, and Jim decided to go investigate. Just as the door clicked shut behind him, I saw that he had forgotten his phone.

I promptly chastised him when he came back in. “Dude! You can’t just go outside in a storm like that and forget your phone! What if it was the Zombie Apocalypse and you had no way to tell me?”

“And what would you do if it were?” he asked dryly.

“I would grab the kids and run while you sacrificed yourself for our safety, OBVIOUSLY.” **

Silence.

“Well, if zombies are coming, I suggest you put on some pants.”

** That IS obvious right? Isn’t that in the Husband Handbook? That they sacrifice themselves for us? Maybe laying on the ground, with one arm outstretched, gasping in a Captain Kirk-esque voice, “getting…cold……can’t…feel…my…legs…….save yourself….”

Speaking of the Husband Handbook, Jim’s mom called on Sunday. He was watching football, the kids were playing legos, I was knitting, and it was one of those lovely afternoons where no one is fighting over toys and it’s not time to cook dinner yet. I was half-listening to his end of the conversation when I heard him invite her to come visit us. Without discussing it with me first. Just all of a sudden, he’s giving her directions on what airport to fly into.

I think Jim needs Re-Education Camp.