Not to keep picking on Uncle Sam or anything

In CategoryNavel Gazing

….but there are just so many Ideas of Awesomeness to talk about.

Like what a great job they are doing with the school lunch program.

Anyone who has attended school knows that school lunches suck. That whole program should be revamped. But maybe they should get Jamie Oliver to do it, and not whatever Rule-Maker-McBossyPants they have in charge now.

In Chicago, parents aren’t ALLOWED to send a homemade lunch to school. Because even though the food is still gross, and even though the kids won’t eat it, Father Uncle Knows Best. Because mechanically separated, genetically-modified-corn-fed, meat-slurry-shaped-into-chicken-nuggets (baked not fried!) is so much better than whatever your stupid mom could come up with.

Which better meet the school’s standards, because in North Carolina there are State Agents standing in the doorway to inspect your stupid mom’s lunch, and it will be confiscated and replaced with chicken nuggets if it doesn’t. And you’ll like it.

They throw the lunches away in Florida too, but the intrepid school board is on the case – they plan on installing $75,000 worth of Trash Cams to catch students in the act of tossing their broccoli. They know the food is being pitched, so obviously they need to see it happen because it will tell them…

…it will tell them…

Well, that’s neither here nor there, you judgemental harridens. More research is required. It’s obvious.

In spite of these obstacles, the USDA insists that parents should follow their example and use school lunches as a model for cooking dinner.