NOT Back to School – A Day in the Life

In CategoryHome Schooling
ByDeb

Not Back to School Blog Hop

I am awakened by the warm sun streaming in through the open french doors of my bedroom. Sheer white curtains billow softly in the morning breeze, revealing glimpses of an azure sea sparkling below. I stretch luxuriously, then pad downstairs to make a hearty breakfast of farm-raised bacon, freshly gathered eggs, and homemade cinnamon rolls to fuel my family before they enthusiastically dive into their work for the day. I cradle my mug of organic green tea as my children greet each other with sweet hugs and kind words. After our repast, they return the kitchen to its normal spotless state, then begin clamoring to start school, which takes place outside in a glorious field of lavender….

*snort*

I am awakened by the sound of my childrens’ shrieking voices as they argue over which episode of Phinneas and Ferb they are going to watch after shoveling in what remains in their cereal bowl after they’ve dotted the kitchen in milk and Cheerios. They got up with Jim half an hour ago and I know I should get up before he heads to work. Plus, I have to pee.

I stagger down the stairs and grouse at everyone to turn the television off and quit hollering at me about Legos until after I’ve had some coffee. I get some coffee-laced sugary milk and settle in front of my computer.

After an hour or so, I remember that we are homeschoolers, and attempt to round up the kids. Big convinces me that he needs 15 more minutes because there is a forest fire/hurricane/alien invasion in Jerkly-Massim (his bizarrely-named Lego city). That’s fine with me, I just had a brilliant blog post idea about dried pee and I want to write it down before it’s lost to the abyss of Sleep-Deprived Peri-Menopause Brain.

Eventually, I get everyone settled at the table, and alternate between encouraging Big that yes, he can do his math problems, and gently chastising him to quit whining and get on with it. I also say things like, “People! There are TWO babies and ONE mommy, so one person at a time, please!” and “STOP MAKING THAT NOISE.” and “Dude! Quit messing around with the letter tiles and get with it!” and “FOCUS!” and “no, you may not have a snack. quit procrastinating and do your work.”

…and so on, and so forth, ad nauseam.

Big finds all kinds of reasons why this whole thing is interfering with his plans for the day, and I am waiting for the moment when he realizes that all his negotiating and complaining is actually what takes so long; and Little smugly crows how much she just loooooves school. At least until her hand starts hurting and it’s too hard to write a proper 3. This year, school is going to be a lot more than pink glittery stickers with a small side of cartoony math workbooks, and I’m mildly curious to see how she’s going to take the news.

I check Twitter on my phone and am relieved to find my friends there to listen to my whingeing.

I always want to have bookwork wrapped up by lunch so we can each have the afternoon to ourselves, but sometimes it doesn’t work out and we start the whole thing again after a break. Afternoons are also time for geoduck notebooking or playing outside or maybe even making a dinner plan.

Or, you know. Cruising Pinterest in search of a dinner plan. Whatever.

Eventually, Daddy comes home from work, and I am forced to abandon my blog reading or google chatting and figure out dinner for reals. We talk, we watch some news, and I tell him whether or not his children were a pain in my butt how school went that day. After dinner, the kids climb all over Dad while I take a shower. We get everyone jammied-up, then I read aloud for  a while in the hopes that the kids will settle down enough to go right to sleep so Jim and I can get our teevee on without interruption.

When we think the kids are asleep, we eat cookies.

Sometimes I stay up late and gleefully watch The Real Housewives of Anywhere.

*****

Please tell me some of that sounds familiar, and I am not just incredibly lame…?

To read more Day-in-the-Life stories, click over to the Blog Hop!

14 Responses to “NOT Back to School – A Day in the Life”

  1. April Says:

    Is it strange that I want to know more about the dried pee blog post? Always love a glimpse into your day. It’s so refreshingly real after reading perky chirpy super homeschool mom posts. That’s why I keep coming back here. And no, you’re not lame, but that I know this is: we’ve been bloggy friends for two years now. I first found your blog when you commented on my very first NBTS “Day in the Life” post in 2010.
    April´s last blog post ..Homeschool Update/ CC Week1

  2. Julie @ Creekside Learning Says:

    Oh, I am laughing and nodding over here. Can so relate to the coffee and the computer and then remembering that we are homeschoolers after an hour or so. Great post, Deb!
    Julie @ Creekside Learning´s last blog post ..Homeschool: A Day in the Life

  3. Sparklee Says:

    OK, I laughed out loud four times while reading this, and my husband wanted to know what was so funny. But he just wouldn’t get it.

    And now I want bacon and cinnamon rolls, thank you very much!

    Thanks for making my day, and for being real. Oh, and I’m with April: hope you finish the dried pee post. I’m intrigued!

  4. Kevin Says:

    Cookies!? I hope your kids don’t read your blog.

    You actually make your day sound like fun to me. Even if you don’t raise bacon on your farm.

  5. Heidi @ Home Schoolroom Says:

    Good thing my husband cooks so I can cruise Pinterest for other things and not even pretend I’m looking for dinner ideas.

    I really needed all the laughs I got from your post–keep it up! Us type-A moms need help chilling out.

  6. Eddie Says:

    As always, Deb, you top everyone for Most Hilarious Real-Life Description! Love it.
    Eddie´s last blog post ..A Day in the Life, or why you should be glad you don’t live here.

  7. Kristy Says:

    This is classic. And *I* am your most devoted follower because *I know* that you already bloggged about dried pee…keep up people!
    Kristy´s last blog post ..Zack’s 8th Grade Year

  8. Chris Tillley (@hhtales) Says:

    My kids up before me??? Only on Christmas morning and even that is only a 50/50 chance. Except my toddler. First wake up call is 6:45. At 7am I send my toddler up the slide into their loft beds with orders to tickle.
    Chris Tillley (@hhtales)´s last blog post ..First Day of Homeschooling Plan

  9. Tressa Says:

    This is great! I thought to do it for about two seconds, then decided not to. It is one of those kind of days. You made me chuckle. Some days I wish I could forget that I am a homeschooler.

  10. Diane Says:

    Okay, it’s official. Your blog is the funniest I read!! My kid is never up before me, dragging her out of bed at 9 or 10 each morning.
    Blessings
    Diane
    Diane´s last blog post ..Youth Fiction Series Favorites

  11. Savannah Says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I had a rough day homeschooling today(we’re just starting and I haven’t found what works for us yet) and it’s nice to know that we’re not the only ones who don’t have picture-perfect days. Again, thanks 🙂 I’ll be following your blog now!
    Savannah´s last blog post ..All in a Day, or, Proof that Homeschool Moms Does Not Equal More Patience

  12. Donna Says:

    You had me at “snort!”

    Thanks for the giggles! All of us can relate, I’m sure!
    Donna´s last blog post ..Ahhhh, This is the life!

  13. Kristy Says:

    Oh my word!!! HILARIOUS!!! I love how Big feels like this is interfering with his plans… Dude…what about MY plans!!! Will they ever know how much we give up our plans? Certainly is worth it, but hard none the less! Great read! Smiles on my face!!!

    Kristy
    TheMessExposed.blogspot.com

  14. Ingi Says:

    This is why I love your blog. You use the word “snort”. You stay in bed until you need to pee. You hang out on the ‘puter until it’s time to actually go do something vaguely homeschool related, and then you check it on your phone. You have kids you have to nag.

    So much like our days it’s scary. Even separated by half the world. The only thing is now the kids are teens/pre-teens they sleep in and I’m lucky to have them out of bed by 10am. The downside of this is that they want to stay up all night. And they eat all the biscuits/chocolate/ice cream in the day, so there’s none left for us at night.
    Ingi´s last blog post ..Then and now – a reality check…