Probably you shouldn’t even read this
I had to go to the gynecologist today.
It was an appointment I considered cancelling all week because I am just SO NOT into those kinds of visits, but I waffled so much that eventually the appointment time arrived and I hadn’t done it and had no choice but to go.
My doctor apparently takes her job seriously, so she ordered all sorts of bloodwork and mammograms and general unpleasantness and lectured me mildly with sentences that all seemed to start with “now that you’re forty…”
I thought quite a bit about whether or not to write about the whole thing, but realized after a while whinging about someone wielding what is essentially a giant eyelash curler near my Lady Garden was Inappropriate and Not a Suitable Blog Topic.
Even though the nurse told me to go upstairs to the lab to get my blood drawn and I sat there for TWENTY MINTUES before they finally told me that it was a fasting blood draw,
and even though at that point I had nothing to eat all day except some coffee, the cream and sugar would skew the results so I have to go back tomorrow before I go to my very-first-ever-mammogram-oh-my-gosh-HOLD ME PEOPLE,
and even though during that twenty minutes a really old, really overweight man wearing disturbingly tiny and ill-fitting shorts and who also maybe hadn’t had a shower in a couple of days FELL ON ME when he tripped getting out of his wheelchair to go give a urine sample and did I mention he FELL RIGHT ONE ME and the whole story is gross and maybe funny and an old man FELL RIGHT IN MY LAP RIGHT ON ME and everyone in the waiting room gasped collectively and leapt up to get him off of me from where HE FELL RIGHT ON ME, I resolved not to write about it and drag the tone of this heretofore classy blog down by talking about it.
Because I am a lady.
See you Monday.