Random Monday

In CategoryRandom Monday
ByDeb

• There is an A&W right down the street from this house. We’ve had root beer floats almost daily. I’m not mad about it.

• They installed the bathroom sink fixtures wrong in this house. This kind of thing annoys me. That’s normal. Right?

• On Friday night Jim helped me make dinner; if by “helped” I mean “operated the salad spinner like he was starting a chainsaw and flung four dollars worth of lettuce all over the kitchen.”

And I do.

Annoyingly, he cleaned it all up while I was looking for my camera. Do you not understand how blogging works, JIM?

Honestly. Rude.

• We spent last week visiting doctors and catching up on assorted life crap. Dentist, Optometrist, Pediatrician…

Three pairs of glasses + 1 box of contacts = oh good we didn’t need all that money anyway. Plus the Dentist put the cat on the roof that expensive orthodontia is in our future.**

• I have also been catching up with my In Real Life friends. I visited one acquaintance over lunch and she spent 45 minutes extolling the virtues of Chia Seeds. I haven’t seen her in 6 months and the whole time she lectured me on the best ways to ingest calcium.

I wish I were kidding.

• On of my friends told me that when she tries to comment, she has a hard time getting through and gets some kind of message about logging in or creating an account or something. Has anyone else has this problem? I absolutely do not want anyone to have a hard time commenting. The only thing I should have set up is the first-ever comment someone makes is moderated, and all subsequent comments should go right through. I hate, hate, HATE any kind of capcha or hoop-jumping, so let me know if you are confronted by that and I will try to figure it out. Because I am so techy that way.

I also hate auto-play music, but that’s neither here nor there.

** Do you know this story? It’s part of our Family Language. There are a lot of versions, but here’s the one I know:

A couple goes on vacation and asks their neighbor to bring in the mail, feed the cat and check on their aging mother. After a few days, the husband calls home. “How is everything there?” he asks.

“Not very good, ” the neighbor replies, “I’m afraid your cat fell off the roof and died.”

Shocked, the man blurts, “that’s not how you give someone bad news! You should have broken it to me gently, bit by bit.”

“How could I have done that?” the neighbor asks.

“Well, for instance, today when I called, you could have said something like you hadn’t seen the cat since we’d been gone. And then the next time I called, say that you found the cat, but he was on the roof.”

“And then the next time say that the fire department was coming to get him down. And then after that say that they had failed and the cat had fallen and was at the vet,” he went on, “and finally, on the last call, after I have braced myself for the worst, you let me know that the cat succumbed to his injuries and died.”

“Oh,” said the neighbor, chastened. “I didn’t think of that.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, our vacation is ruined. Is there anything else? How is Mother?”

The neighbor paused, then said, “your Mother is on the roof.”

So anytime there is something maybe not-so-great on the horizon to brace ourselves for, we say things like, “looks like we need to put the cat on the roof with Big that he will need glasses someday.” or “the dentist put the cat on the roof that the kids’ll need braces.”

It sounds stupid when I type it all out, but there you go. I have almost used the phrase “well, it looks like the cat’s on the roof” SO MANY TIMES here, but thought it would be an ordeal to explain what I meant.

Now you know. And I can quit editing myself. FINALLY.

7 Responses to “Random Monday”

  1. Helena Says:

    The problem with you, Deb, and I do mean that—this is a Big, Big Problem so pay close attention—is that I don’t even know where to start with my comments because everything here is GOLD.

    Do I start with the Chia Seed lunch? Because I just started eating Chia seeds! They get all gelly in your teeth if you don’t swallow all of those suckers. It’s kind of strange, and I had NO idea you got calcium from them. I just thought you ate them so you could find teeny tiny jelly balls in your mouth half an hour after breakfast.

    Okay, that probably wouldn’t be a good thing to start with. So, should I start with the lettuce and the lost photo? There are so many things I don’t catch, so many things I should probably take photos of, so many opportunities where I think to myself, “Well, that’s so ridiculous/awful/ridiculous/awful (think things coming out of cats that you should never face in your lifetime) You just have to laugh, don’t you? Or you’ll just lose it… so laugh, sister, laugh!” I’m hopeless, and just live these moments (like a fool I tell you), and then they’re lost forever. Unsnapped, unchecked, gone. And THAT thought makes me think of you with your Driving to Colorado hair the other day, and I’m SO glad you stop and click, my friend.

    Or maybe I should go with the bathroom fixtures in your house. I don’t know why I thought this, but I had you back in your old house. That doesn’t make any sense! So I won’t start with that.

    So I’m left starting with your cat, the one on the roof, the one you talk about in your every day, like that’s perfectly normal. This is SO awesome. I think I’ve heard the story before, but the fact you use it the way you do makes me want to reach these arms all the way across this ocean and California and desert and mountains, just to hug you. I love the stuff you write, Deb.

    See why you make life so difficult? See why this is such a Big problem? What’s a woman to do? Laugh, I suppose. Laugh big, sister!
    Helena´s last blog post ..so much to share

  2. Kristy Says:

    I have no problem commenting and I’m sorry that you have a problem on mine on occasions.

    I love reading your blog. You have such a funny way of telling stories and I love the phrases that you use. You bring a smile to my face every time.

    Thank you.
    Kristy´s last blog post ..Why I Love Betty Crocker

  3. hi kooky Says:

    Oh dangity dang I really would love to see a VIDEO of the salad spinning/flinging. AWESOME. I can only imagine the look of surprise on his face. You know, that he really didn’t have to work so hard. To spin the lettuce.

    Chia pets – yes, chia seeds – no.

    FYI – I’ve not had any trouble commenting.

    P.S. Are you watching Sister Wives this season? They’ve put the cat on the roof regarding their housing situation.
    hi kooky´s last blog post ..I’m not sure why I’m sharing this.

  4. Deb Says:

    oooh, girl, you KNOW I love me some Sister Wives! I don’t understand why they don’t build a great big house like they had before. I haven’t watched last nights episodes yet, but I will soon. Which wife is your favorite?

    The whole thing is so interesting, isn’t it? Did you watch Big Love when it was on HBO?

    PS – excellent usage of “the cat on the roof” phrase.

  5. Ingi Says:

    I love Tuesdays because I get to read your Random Mondays! The joys of time differences.

    I feel your pain on the impending orthodontic pain (I’m in denial). Rather glad you went into all that detail about the cat on the roof thing, because I was a bit “wtf?”.

    Chia seeds? Really?
    Ingi´s last blog post ..Creative spelling test

  6. Kirsten is Comfortably Domestic Says:

    Your Cat on the Roof is our Jump the Shark. I’m all for dabbling in health food fads, but I draw the line at eating seeds that, in my mind, are only meant to grow hair on a clay cat.
    Kirsten is Comfortably Domestic´s last blog post ..When a Slight Miscalculation Leads to Pi(e)

  7. Nan | wrathofmom.blogspot.ca Says:

    Chia seeds sound awful. But someone pressing me to try chia seeds would be a nice change from the “Yyou’ve GOT to get the boys on melatonin — it’s amazing” refrain I so often hear these days.
    Nan | wrathofmom.blogspot.ca´s last blog post ..Rocking the Garden.