Random Monday

In CategoryRandom Monday
ByDeb

• There is an A&W right down the street from this house. We’ve had root beer floats almost daily. I’m not mad about it.

• They installed the bathroom sink fixtures wrong in this house. This kind of thing annoys me. That’s normal. Right?

• On Friday night Jim helped me make dinner; if by “helped” I mean “operated the salad spinner like he was starting a chainsaw and flung four dollars worth of lettuce all over the kitchen.”

And I do.

Annoyingly, he cleaned it all up while I was looking for my camera. Do you not understand how blogging works, JIM?

Honestly. Rude.

• We spent last week visiting doctors and catching up on assorted life crap. Dentist, Optometrist, Pediatrician…

Three pairs of glasses + 1 box of contacts = oh good we didn’t need all that money anyway. Plus the Dentist put the cat on the roof that expensive orthodontia is in our future.**

• I have also been catching up with my In Real Life friends. I visited one acquaintance over lunch and she spent 45 minutes extolling the virtues of Chia Seeds. I haven’t seen her in 6 months and the whole time she lectured me on the best ways to ingest calcium.

I wish I were kidding.

• On of my friends told me that when she tries to comment, she has a hard time getting through and gets some kind of message about logging in or creating an account or something. Has anyone else has this problem? I absolutely do not want anyone to have a hard time commenting. The only thing I should have set up is the first-ever comment someone makes is moderated, and all subsequent comments should go right through. I hate, hate, HATE any kind of capcha or hoop-jumping, so let me know if you are confronted by that and I will try to figure it out. Because I am so techy that way.

I also hate auto-play music, but that’s neither here nor there.

** Do you know this story? It’s part of our Family Language. There are a lot of versions, but here’s the one I know:

A couple goes on vacation and asks their neighbor to bring in the mail, feed the cat and check on their aging mother. After a few days, the husband calls home. “How is everything there?” he asks.

“Not very good, ” the neighbor replies, “I’m afraid your cat fell off the roof and died.”

Shocked, the man blurts, “that’s not how you give someone bad news! You should have broken it to me gently, bit by bit.”

“How could I have done that?” the neighbor asks.

“Well, for instance, today when I called, you could have said something like you hadn’t seen the cat since we’d been gone. And then the next time I called, say that you found the cat, but he was on the roof.”

“And then the next time say that the fire department was coming to get him down. And then after that say that they had failed and the cat had fallen and was at the vet,” he went on, “and finally, on the last call, after I have braced myself for the worst, you let me know that the cat succumbed to his injuries and died.”

“Oh,” said the neighbor, chastened. “I didn’t think of that.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, our vacation is ruined. Is there anything else? How is Mother?”

The neighbor paused, then said, “your Mother is on the roof.”

So anytime there is something maybe not-so-great on the horizon to brace ourselves for, we say things like, “looks like we need to put the cat on the roof with Big that he will need glasses someday.” or “the dentist put the cat on the roof that the kids’ll need braces.”

It sounds stupid when I type it all out, but there you go. I have almost used the phrase “well, it looks like the cat’s on the roof” SO MANY TIMES here, but thought it would be an ordeal to explain what I meant.

Now you know. And I can quit editing myself. FINALLY.