Things I’ve Learned

In CategoryNavel Gazing

…. by reading 16 back issues of Us Weekly in a row.

• Suri Cruise is HILARIOUS. I can’t not love a blog devoted to making fun of celebrity children.

• I don’t know who anyone is anymore. Kellen Lutz? Who is that? Someone from a movie about vampires? Or maybe that stupid Hunger Games series? Something geared toward 14 year old girls, I’m sure of that much.

Literature is dead. We should all just accept it.

I realized when proofreading this post that I am complaining about the quality of modern books in a post solely about the contents of a gossip magazine. And I wasn’t even being ironic. So there’s that.

• Someone called Brittany Snow tells her dog daily affirmations, because she is insecure. The dog is, I mean.

• Mariah Carey named her twins Moroccan and Monroe, apparently specifically so they could go with the nicknames “Roc” and “Roe.”

Which is not stupid at all, so quit being a Judgey McJudgeyPants. Jeez. You people know nothing about the trials of being famous.

(side note – isn’t “moroccan” more of an adjective?)

• Kourtney and Kim Kardashian have excellent taste in men. Bwa ha ha ha ha NO.

• The Bachelor is never going away. It’s upsetting.