• Go back and wash your hands better than that.
• Lower your voice.
• Quit making that noise.
• BUTTON YOUR PANTS! YOU ARE SEVEN YEARS OLD!
• That one. THAT noise. QUIT MAKING IT.
• Lower your voice!
• People! Quit yammering and just EAT!
• OH MY GOSH PEOPLE! QUIT YELLING BEFORE I GO INSANE!
• People! Quit hopping around! Just sit on your butt and eat!
• Flush please.
• Did you flush?
• Go flush.
• People! Lunch does not need to take 45 minutes! JUST EAT!
• QUIT MAKING THAT NOISE.
• What, are you kidding me right now? You were only in there five seconds. Go wash your hands again.
** I call my kids People! and Dudes! when I address them collectively. When Jim and I are talking about them, we call them The People. Like, “how are The People today?”
It occurs to me that we might be weird.
What do you call your kids?
If you call them “my lovely darling children” or “mummy’s preciousnessesssss” I will vomit.