Random Monday

In CategoryRandom Monday

• Today we begin the drive from Shelton, Washington to Yellowstone!

• For interested parties, this is the actual house we have been staying in for the last three months.

• Jim is making me pack (rude), so I am not able to write all sorts of riveting blog posts in advance. Devastating, I know. Try to keep it together. I tried to tell him I have people depending on me, but he was laughing so hard I don’t think he heard me.

Speaking of which, I had a dream last night that a text or something I sent on my phone accidentally made it onto my blog and it was so risque or horrible that it went viral and I started being recognized everywhere I went. But not in a good way. It was awful. I don’t know why anyone would want to be famous. Sounds like a nightmare. Luckily, I am not plagued with such problems.

• My birthday is on Tuesday. I will be forty-one. *sigh*

• This is the sign to the entrance of the neighborhood where we have been staying.

It irritates me every time I see it.

Happily, we’ve been living on the right side of the sign.

• Happy Monday, y’all!

This one time…

In CategoryNavel Gazing

One time, when Jim and I were dating, he came over to see me.

My parents weren’t home, but my sister was, and while I was innocently minding my own business they ganged up on me in a gigantic water fight.

In the house.

At one point, I ran into the bathroom and used the handheld sprayer to soak them through the cracked door. My sister yanked the door shut and tied it closed with a coat hanger so I couldn’t get out.

Then they went outside and sprayed me through the open bathroom window with the water hose.

To be clear, they turned on the the water hose and aimed it into the open bathroom window. In the house.

The handheld shower sprayer wouldn’t reach out the window, so I decided I had to escape and get to the other hose if I was going to exact my revenge. As I was half in and half out of the bathroom window, with my sister and my boyfriend aiming the hose – which was on full blast – right at me, and cackling their little heads off….

my mother drove up.

My mother was not a fan of the water fight. Especially ones that took place in the house.


I was reminded of this story because just this morning, Big was hassling me and I dumped a whole glass of water on his head. He was absolutely shocked. And very indignant.

It was hilarious.

After he changed his shirt, he started right back up, teasing and laughing and harassing me.

So I dragged him into the kitchen and was soaking him head to toe with the kitchen sprayer.

While I was doing this, Jim came up the stairs.

And then all three of them ganged up on me and somehow shoved me into the shower and turned it on.

Isn’t that rude?

Probably I should write a parenting book.

Moving On

In CategoryAdventure

Sorting through books and deciding which ones to read in the next house…


(the white, adjustable height folding tables are these. I got sick of the kids having to play on tiny coffee tables or taking over the dining room table which had the unpleasant side effect of me listening to legos hit the floor all day long. Plus, we can use them for school. You know. When that happens.)

(if you’re new here and wondering what the heck I’m talking about, read this,  this and this. And maybe this, this, and this if you become enthralled with this CrazyPants Rodeo.)

Random Monday

In CategoryRandom Monday

• We are leaving this house a week from today. I can’t wait. Bizarrely, I am looking forward to some sunshine. And maybe some t-shirt temperatures. It was 37 degrees when I got up the other morning. Thirty-seven degrees. I am tired of being cold.

I hate being hot too, though. So I will probably be whining about that soon.

• We have been sorting through all of our crap in anticipation of dumping about 30% of it into storage when we pass through Colorado in June. I CANNOT WAIT to unload some of this stuff.

(if anyone unfamiliar with our crazy lifestyle, a recap: We sold our house and all our stuff and have been willfully homeless for 6 months are now traveling the country with our kids. Super! Homeschooling! Is! Happening! We have all our essentials in a 4×8 cargo trailer that we pull behind our SUV. When we were packing the trailer, I forgot you could buy crayons and shampoo in other parts of the country.)

• I have lost a bra in every house we have stayed in. And two in this house. It’s bothering me. Firstly because I can’t afford it, and secondly because I keep imagining the look on the face of the poor unfortunate soul who finds one of them. I’m not a Victoria’s Secret shopper, y’all. I’m more of the Industrial Strength With Heavy-Duty Elastic Brassiere that Comes in a Box shopper.

It’s not a titillating experience to find one, is what I’m saying.

Plus also it’s the comfortable ones that seem to go missing, which is a whole ‘nother problem.

• The other night, Big was carrying on about how bad his nasty foot-wart was hurting. He eventually goes, “mom, I just don’t think you understand the pain!” Finally, I rolled my eyes and said, “Listen up, little boy – I pushed you out of my hoo-ha, I think I know what pain is.”

And then I scarred everyone within a 2-child radius.

So there you go. Now you can all feel better about your parenting.

(I didn’t say hoo-ha. I don’t remember what I said. Some insipid, juvenile euphemism, probably; that manages to be more offensive than the real word)

• Also last night, in a fit of being fed-up with Big’s attitude of never wanting to dismantle any of his Lego creations, and stealing his sister’s legos when he needed something; I went in his Lego bucket after he was in bed and took apart a bunch of stuff that just looked like Lego lumps.

Perhaps you can see where this is going.

My son, who cannot find a pair of underpants in a drawer that houses ONLY underpants, apparently possesses some kind of freakish photographic memory catalog of all his Legos.

Hysteria ensued at 9 am this morning.

I guess I took apart his helicopter carrier truck and trailer; which I was eventually able to identify as the blue and orange lump of Legos.

Happily, I compulsively keep all the directions to the Lego sets and was able to spend THREE HOURS on the floor being his assistant as he recreated it.

“MOM. Not a jumper plate, a side brick!”

“MOM. That’s not a clip, that’s a brick with a vertical bar!”

“MOM. I need light gray, not dark gray.”

Whatever, little dude. Just show me the picture. And quit sassing me.

My ass hurts now. I am too old to be sitting on the floor all morning.

There. Now don’t you feel better?

• Happy Monday, y’all.