Goose Chase

In CategoryAdventure, Navel Gazing

Okay, so here’s what happened.

In this neighborhood, there lives a tiny pack of six geese. All the locals seem to feed them and they wander around the neighborhood, fat and happy. They are cute, and we make honking noises when we see them. A couple of days ago, they were right down the street eating some corn a neighbor had set out, and me and the kids walked down to see them.

We stayed across the street from them; and when the kids wanted to get closer, I took the opportunity to tell them that animals will protect their food and their babies, and that the geese might LOOK all soft and cuddly, but they are wild animals who could hurt us if they wanted to.

It was all nature-lesson-y and stuff.

So we watched and talked and the geese were very cute and ate their corn.

And then the geese had enough.

They started walking across the street toward us, making little screechy chirping noises, hissing, and puffing up their feathers.


I knew this was a bad sign, what with being an expert birder and everything, and started to hustle the kids back down the street. But our retreat was not hasty enough for the geese, and they kept advancing. Faster and faster on their little geese legs.

Of course, in my mind I was all, “walk backwards. make eye contact. NO! don’t make eye contact! wait, that’s dogs. Run down a hill! They can’t run down a hill! or is that bears? they are getting closer!” etc. etc. etc. After about three seconds of being stalked by a flock of geese, I calmly invited the kids to run back to the house, and I told the geese “OKAY! We’re leaving!”

I did not run, but kept backing away as fast as I could, keeping myself between the geese and my kids. For all I knew, running would provoke them, and I steeled myself to take a bird DOWN.

Eventually they were satisfied they’d chased us off and went back to the corner for a victory lap around the corn.

When I got back, the kids were hysterical, having flung themselves at their Daddy, sobbing that “the geese were ATTACKING US!”

I recounted the whole story to him, but when I got to the part where I had heroically put myself in danger to protect my children, he only looked skeptical and said, “THAT’S why you didn’t run?” and didn’t give me any credit at all for being a self-sacrificing SUPER HERO.

Which I so obviously AM, JIM


I swear. Rude.