Wrap Up Week Deux

In CategoryHome Schooling
ByDeb

• We are reading Cheaper by the Dozen aloud in the evenings. When I got to the part where Grandma Gilbraith stores a packet of camphor in her bosom during cold season, I sort of skipped over the bosom talk. But Big could tell I had skipped something and made me go back and read it properly.

So I did.

And then he asked what a bosom was.

So I told him.

And then he got all embarrassed.

So I started telling him stories of my own grandmother and how she put all SORTS of stuff in her bosom – dirty Kleenex mostly.

And then he was even MORE embarrassed.

So now I am bringing up the word Bosom more than is probably entirely appropriate.

A few days ago after they came in from playing outside, Big kept demanding that I feel his forehead. “Mom, feel how sweaty I am! Mom! Feel my head! It’s all sweaty!”

I declined.

He insisted. “Mom! I’m so sweaty! Feel my head! Mom! Why don’t you want to feel my head? Mom!”

Finally I was all, “I can see you’re sweaty. I don’t need to feel it and get sweat all over me. You know what? My bosom sweats, you want any part of that?”

And then he melted into a little puddle of mortification.

Mom for the Win!

• There was a freaking HURRICANE here again this week. Lots of ominous news reports about river flooding, power outages, high surf warnings, etc. etc. At one point there were SIX severe weather alerts on my weather app. So obviously, we went to check it out. And get coffee.

While we were out, I made Jim go into the grocery store and get 3 gallons of water and some candles. He laughed at me, but he wasn’t the one glued to my phone and freaking out at 3 am. I felt better, that’s the main thing. PLUS! Plus we talked about candles and looked online to see how they work. Which I did not know, so it was very educational for all concerned and THAT’S why it made the wrap-up list of Brilliant Accomplishments.

• And we reviewed spelling rules. And Little read aloud to us from Run Bug Run. I can’t even describe what it’s like hearing my children read and knowing I taught them that! So cool. Also it means I’m that much closer to them teaching themselves stuff while I watch The Real Housewives.

We wondered what the sea birds do when it is so stormy. Apparently, they hang out and look grouchy.

Blown Away

In CategoryAdventure
ByDeb

           

Six Severe Weather Alerts. SIX.

GUSTS ABOVE 100 MPH ARE LIKELY.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s a little scary.

** When I wrote this yesterday, there were 5 alerts. I had to change it to 6 last night. This morning when I woke up, there were 8. EIGHT. Lots of ominous warnings about houses falling of the edge of the hill and cars being swept away by less than a foot of rushing water. Oy.

Suddenly Craving Salad**

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

As I mentioned last Friday, I have a problem with my hair.

It has some nasty build-up on it. It’s all tacky. Sticky.

It’s a mystery. And it’s increasingly upsetting. Are there tiny elves in this house that paint the top of my head with vaseline in the night? Is it something in the water?

Is it (please no) some new side effect of this stupid peri-menopause?

What?

Am I ever gonna get it out and go back to the silky Lesbian Cop Hair of yesterday?

Every time I get out of the shower, I shove my head in Jim’s face.

Me: Feel it. Does that feel weird? No, really – does it, or is it just me? Stop laughing. Just feel it. Is it worse than yesterday? Feel it. FEEEEEEEEEEEL IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT.

Jim: Pats me on the head and leans over because I am blocking his view of the television.

Me: Pay attention! I don’t know what’s happening here! It’s really bothering me!

Jim, dryly: I can see that.

Me: And you are acting like you don’t even care!

Jim: I’m pretty sure I said that straight out.

Me: OH NO YOU DIDDENT

And then I wished we were still at home so I could drive to my best friend’s house and force her to not only touch my hair, but make sympathetic noises and help me brainstorm solutions.

Then I remembered one time, in like, 1984, eavesdropping on one of my mother’s conversations and the other woman swore that the way to get out all that 80’s hairspray buildup was to rinse it in vinegar (and everyone who commented on Friday had the same suggestion).

Pro Tip: If you decide to pour an entire bottle of white vinegar on your head in the shower, don’t open your eyes and consider shaving your legs while it soaks in. That liquid dripping down your face is not water.

As I was lathering up again, wondering if the fourth time would be the charm, I realized two things simultaneously: first, that the hot water was gone; and second, that I had forgotten to wash anything else.

Update: as I got out of the shower and briskly dried my hair with a towel, it occurred to me that maybe the TOWEL is the culprit and I am transferring FABRIC SOFTENER to my hair. Further investigation shall be forthcoming.

Also, the vinegar DID work (and my eyes only burned for TWO HOURS after some idiot opened her eyes under a cascade of vinegar and Head & Shoulders), and my hair is back to being mostly silky. I’m going to get another bottle of vinegar just in case. You can’t be too careful.

** Get it? Because I SMELL LIKE SALAD DRESSING NOW.

Parentpreneur!

In CategoryHome Schooling
ByDeb

This article is too good to wait for Random Monday – In Praise of Homeschooling. Here’s a snippet:

“A general State education is a mere contrivance for moulding people to be exactly like one another; and as the mould in which it casts them is that which pleases the predominant power in the government.”

Yeah. So suck it, haters.

And plus – PLUS !  “…homeschooling parents save taxpayers an estimated $16 billion annually.”

We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control…