Stephen Hawking and The Real Housewives

In CategoryNavel Gazing

The other night, I stayed up to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion show. It was kind of bland. I prefer it when there are fisticuffs.

When it was over, I got sucked into some show on some science channel about Stephen Hawking and the Theory of Everything. Or something like that. I did not understand a word they were saying, but I was riveted nonetheless.


Did you know that they don’t think electrons orbit the nucleus of an atom anymore? Now they say the electrons randomly wink on and off, popping up and then disappearing – and can even be in more than one place at a time (uh…what?) When did this happen? Do they know that for sure, or are they making stuff up?

Also, why do they hate Pluto?

Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Anyway, apparently Stephen Hawking was determined to discover the origins of the universe. He intended to marry Quantum Mechanics (the physics of atoms and other very tiny things I have never heard of) and Einstien’s Theory of Relativitiy (the physics of big stuff, like planets). Those two branches of physics contradict each other and Hawking wanted to combine them so they…wouldn’t.

I guess he cleared everything up when he theorized the universe began when a singularity at the bottom of a black hole exploded (do black holes have bottoms? who knows) and spit out the universe; then combined that stuff with some other stuff about virtual particles being able to escape the gravity of the aforementioned black hole (doesn’t virtual sort of mean imaginary? or pretend? is science even real?)

Ta Da!

Previously, Stephen Hawking believed that God created the universe, but then later figured it out in such a way that “a creator was not necessary.” (how do people even find the nerve to say that out loud?)

They didn’t explain where the singularity that exploded (Big Banged, as it were) came from in the first place…but like I said, I didn’t really understand a thing he was talking about.

But then! 

I remembered that I believe in Creation, and don’t really care what happened who-knows-how-long ago. Probably I could understand M-theory if I wanted to, but I have my hands full making sure making sure everyone around here poops on a regular basis.

And then I was able to turn to the teevee off and go to bed, satisfied that while I might not know as much as Stephen Hawking, it’s mostly because I am very busy.

That’s my story.

And I’m sticking to it.

Anyone know when The Real Housewives of Miami starts?