Funny Bone Readers

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

Today I am thrilled to be hosting a giveaway over at Heart of the Matter!

Early in December, I received an email from Keith Garton, the President and Publisher of Red Chair Press. Somehow, someone that works for him stumbled across the drivel that is this blog, and told him about it. Astonishingly, he offered to send me some Funny Bone Readers. He didn’t ask for anything in return – not a review or even a mention.

We got the books in right before Big’s birthday, and (no moss growing here) I wrapped them up for a pressie. 

Big LOVES them! He reads Space Cat and Squid & Pickles all the time. They are humorous little books, which appeals to my son because he has a terrific sense of humor. He’s RAVENOUS when it comes to books, so a set he really likes was a gift for mama, too.

When I saw how much my boy enjoyed these books, I approached Keith about giving a set to a lucky reader. Happily, he agreed. The giveaway will be open to entries for a week at Heart of the Matter. If you have, or know someone who has an emerging reader, click over and enter!

Focus on Science

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

The new issue of Focus on Science is up at Heart of the Matter!

I am SO EXCITED to have my Volcano Unit Study published in this issue – it’s on pages 28 – 31 and am beside myself about it. Check it out if you have a volcano-crazed kid and want to get Awesome Homeschool Mom credit for sitting through all those science documentaries.

Random Monday

In CategoryNavel Gazing, Random Monday
ByDeb
  • So I guess Kelsey Grammer is a real tool.

 

  • This weekend, as Jim was making a pitcher of iced tea, Big suggested that perhaps Daddy should cut back on his sugar intake. It was hilarious, probably more so because the lecture was not directed at me.

 

  • Speaking of my husband, sometimes I say really vulgar things to him out of the blue – just to see the shocked look on his face. After 17 years, it’s probably become less shocking, but it still amuses me. And amusing myself is one of my favorite hobbies.

 

  • I like butter on my popcorn. But I do not like greasy fingers. So I eat my popcorn with a spoon. Weird? or Genius?

 

  • I KNOW I commented on someone’s blog that I would email them and we could arrange a swap of our unused kindergarten materials, but now I can’t remember WHO that was. I have gone back in my reader and re-read practically every homeschool blogger’s post from December, and I can’t find it. So if it’s you, PLEASE let me know. I have not forgotten about swapping, I promise! I just forgot who I am swapping with! (Wow, that sounds even worse written out than it did in my head. Sorry! Sorry!)

 

  • This is funny –

In which I have anxiety.

In CategoryHome Schooling
ByDeb

I have joined the ranks of people who haul their kids every damn place. Big takes ice skating lessons on Wednesday nights, and they both are in swimming lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don’t know why a 30 minute swimming lesson means I am away from home for two hours, but it does.

The coordinator introduced herself on the first day, and when she found out we were taking advantage of the homeschool discount, she launched into a 15 minute speech about how the Y would give the kids “valuable socialization skills they will carry with them for life.” and also how good it would be for the kids “to be part of a community.”

Blech.

Firstly, I have only signed up for four weeks of lessons. It might be a little much to expect that sitting on the edge of the pool blowing bubbles with 4 other kids will give them such a dramatic edge in their social skills that it will impact their whole LIFE. Secondly, why do people never realize that lecturing homeschool moms about socialization when we are out, in public, doing stuff with our kids is just STUPID. They should switch to knocking on doors to find those mystical people that never go anywhere and lecture THEM.

I know this is common and I should expect it and it’s all part of the territory when you homeschool. But it BUGS ME.

ON THE OTHER HAND, my daughter is SO excited to swim, and SO enthusiastic, and SO fearless, that she is the ONLY ONE who has gotten in trouble for jumping in before the instructor is ready. I noticed this on the first day, and I harped on we talked about the importance of listening to the point I was concerned I would kill her enthusiasm – but the next lesson was the same way.

And at that one, the 20 year old instructor wanted to talk to me about it.

I was in the principal’s office at the Y.

And I am old enough to be the principal’s mother.

Double Blech.

And then I go around and around in my head until I make myself sick, because I AM THAT MOM – the one who homeschools unsocialized hyenas and it’s all my fault that she doesn’t listen better but really it’s the instructor’s fault too because he is not communicating clearly and I mean holding your hands out and saying let’s all jump into the pool and then she jumps into the pool before he said GO is confusing to a 4 year old and oh my GOSH I told him he was doing a great job and not to be afraid of being firm with her and what if he’s MEAN to my baby and THAT’S all my fault too and maybe we should just switch to private lessons because I would rather do that than lecture her about listening to the point where she doesn’t want to go at ALL because the look of pure JOY on her face when she swims makes my heart SO HAPPY and that would probably cost a million dollars and probably I should cowboy up and figure out how to control my hyenas but I don’t know how because I SUCK.

You know. Like that.

I was laying in bed last night, and I realized I felt very anxious. I started scrolling through all the options: did I forget to pay bills? No. Did I forget to go somewhere? No. Did me and Jim have a fight and I’m still upset about it? No.

Am I scared of the 20 year old swim instructor? YES.

Just writing all this out is making me feel pukey.

Am I tempted to go back to hermit mode and not take the kids anywhere until they are less hyena-like? Yes.

Do I find it irritating when people ask themselves questions and then answer them? YES.

This is hard. I don’t like hard. I like ice cream and the Real Housewives of Anywhere.