In which I have anxiety.

In CategoryHome Schooling

I have joined the ranks of people who haul their kids every damn place. Big takes ice skating lessons on Wednesday nights, and they both are in swimming lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don’t know why a 30 minute swimming lesson means I am away from home for two hours, but it does.

The coordinator introduced herself on the first day, and when she found out we were taking advantage of the homeschool discount, she launched into a 15 minute speech about how the Y would give the kids “valuable socialization skills they will carry with them for life.” and also how good it would be for the kids “to be part of a community.”


Firstly, I have only signed up for four weeks of lessons. It might be a little much to expect that sitting on the edge of the pool blowing bubbles with 4 other kids will give them such a dramatic edge in their social skills that it will impact their whole LIFE. Secondly, why do people never realize that lecturing homeschool moms about socialization when we are out, in public, doing stuff with our kids is just STUPID. They should switch to knocking on doors to find those mystical people that never go anywhere and lecture THEM.

I know this is common and I should expect it and it’s all part of the territory when you homeschool. But it BUGS ME.

ON THE OTHER HAND, my daughter is SO excited to swim, and SO enthusiastic, and SO fearless, that she is the ONLY ONE who has gotten in trouble for jumping in before the instructor is ready. I noticed this on the first day, and I harped on we talked about the importance of listening to the point I was concerned I would kill her enthusiasm – but the next lesson was the same way.

And at that one, the 20 year old instructor wanted to talk to me about it.

I was in the principal’s office at the Y.

And I am old enough to be the principal’s mother.

Double Blech.

And then I go around and around in my head until I make myself sick, because I AM THAT MOM – the one who homeschools unsocialized hyenas and it’s all my fault that she doesn’t listen better but really it’s the instructor’s fault too because he is not communicating clearly and I mean holding your hands out and saying let’s all jump into the pool and then she jumps into the pool before he said GO is confusing to a 4 year old and oh my GOSH I told him he was doing a great job and not to be afraid of being firm with her and what if he’s MEAN to my baby and THAT’S all my fault too and maybe we should just switch to private lessons because I would rather do that than lecture her about listening to the point where she doesn’t want to go at ALL because the look of pure JOY on her face when she swims makes my heart SO HAPPY and that would probably cost a million dollars and probably I should cowboy up and figure out how to control my hyenas but I don’t know how because I SUCK.

You know. Like that.

I was laying in bed last night, and I realized I felt very anxious. I started scrolling through all the options: did I forget to pay bills? No. Did I forget to go somewhere? No. Did me and Jim have a fight and I’m still upset about it? No.

Am I scared of the 20 year old swim instructor? YES.

Just writing all this out is making me feel pukey.

Am I tempted to go back to hermit mode and not take the kids anywhere until they are less hyena-like? Yes.

Do I find it irritating when people ask themselves questions and then answer them? YES.

This is hard. I don’t like hard. I like ice cream and the Real Housewives of Anywhere.