This afternoon I took the kids outside.
They tell me they are going to ride trikes like nice little stepford children, but it’s just a trick because the minute they haul all the assorted bikes and trikes into the driveway, they abandon them and go hunting for dirt. Those kids could find a mud puddle in a drought. Going outside always turns into a big, stupid, pain in my ass that results in dirty floors, afternoon baths, and demands for hot chocolate.
So I huddled in the garage with my knitting, listened to the radio and wondered when Timothy Olyphant was coming back to television (mmmm….Timothy Olyphant…). The kids went around the corner of the house and hunted for dinosaur bones, which was actually code for Digging Up All The Bulbs In The Flowerbed.
After a while, Little came up to me.
Little: Mommy, I have a story about Ranger Little! She works in the woods.
Me: Oh, are you a Park Ranger today?
Little: NO, Mom (eye roll), it’s not about ME, it’s about a DIFFERENT Little and she’s a RANGER. Now let me tell the story. (unspoken: zomg mom, keep up.)
Once upon a time, there was Ranger Little, and she worked in the forest.
One day, she heard a rumble and it was an earthquake and she fell into a CRACK! And then, she said YOWCH! because there were stickers down there!
And then she popped her head up and heard another sound, like this – sssSSSSssss.
And it was a SNAKE! And the snake ATE Ranger Little! He started at the head and went CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! and ate her ALL up!
And then Ranger Little turned into snake poop.