Not Inadequate

So I got a few negative comments about my Sheepskin Rug Headboard idea.

If by “a few,” I mean every single person who heard about it gagged.

And I do.

However, I was still pretty married to the idea - until in an effort to vindicate myself, I went to Google and searched for the Super Expensive Fancy One that’s in a Celebrity’s House . . . and failed.

So. Disappointed.

Nate Berkus hasn’t installed one of these in Jennifer Aniston’s bedroom? Or Brangelina’s?

Come on, Brad and Angelina look pretty wild – a sheepskin rug headboard would totally be right up their alley.

I still sort of think it will happen one day…and then I will be all AH-HA! And rub it in everyone’s faces.

Side Story:

You know those wreaths made out of Christmas ornaments hot-glued around a frame?

I made one of those about 15 years ago.

And everyone laughed at me.

And now they sell them in Pottery Barn for seventy-five dollars.

Just sayin’.

ANYway, I DID abandon my fantastic, fashion forward, avant-garde headboard idea and decided to get some foam, a store-bought quilted coverlet, and slap that sucker together.

Ta Da!

Love, love, love the texture and the color. Our summer quilt will go great with it.

I know these pictures aren’t great. It was dark and snowy outside, and I have a crap camera, and I am a crap camera operator.

So, there’s that.

I have some ideas about painting the lamps and replacing the shades. I’ll take better pictures if I do.

What do you think? (she said, blatantly fishing for compliments)

Last week when I was at the THIRD GROCERY STORE IN TWO DAYS (ironically, shopping for the Christmas dinner that did not happen), I saw a lady with a DOG in her CART. Her cart was all outfitted with a nice, soft, pink cart-liner like you use when you have a baby. The lady was cuddling the dog while she was talking to the butcher.

THE BUTCHER.

Also known as an EMPLOYEE OF THE GROCERY STORE.

WHO WAS MAKING SMALL TALK WITH A WOMAN CUDDLING A DOG.

Aren’t there rules about that?

Seriously?

• Tonight after my daughter’s bath, I noticed that when she blows her nose, her little tiny-heiny cheeks wrinkle. It was quite possibly the CUTEST THING EVER.

• I have a plan to make a padded headboard for our bed. I have done this several times before. The first time, I bought a $25 headboard from a used hotel furniture outlet store (google it - you can get stuff SO CHEAP), and covered it with about 4 inches of padding and a really pretty fake-silk moire fabric. I even made fabric-covered buttons. It turned out great, but after a few years and a little exposure to my son (aka Super Puker), it was time to say goodbye. So I want to make another one.

Here’s the thing: I decided that instead of covering my MDF with some boring old fabric, I would think outside the box. I had lots of ideas – cover it with wallpaper, paint a design with stencils, decoupage random bits of handmade paper onto it… But the idea that really grabbed me is to cover it with sheepskin.

That’s right – a HEADBOAD made out of a SHEEPSKIN RUG.

What do you think of this idea?

a) Wow Deb, you are Super Cool!

b) I think I saw that in a 70′s porno.

c) Why would you nail a rug to the wall?

I floated this idea to mah peeps on Twitter, but they were decidedly unsupportive (Hi Melanie! Hi Applie! Hi Celtic Muse!) so I decided to cast a wider net before abandoning it. I don’t know, though….Melanie all but killed it by wondering if human hair will get stuck in it.

Ick.

In case you are wondering what my husband thinks of this, he professes not to care as long as it doesn’t cost anything and he doesn’t have to help.

*This blog-post title is so enticing, I am completely enthralled by my own cleverness.

After the Thanksgiving debacle, I started to think about trying something different for Christmas.

The whole idea behind these elaborate holiday meals is to add to the happy memories and create something really special that enhances your family traditions.

Right?

Well, after Thanksgiving, I realized that while I thought I was making a special meal for my family, I was really just spending a bunch of money and time cooking something half of them didn’t even like. And that was, in fact, not creating something special and memorable. I don’t want my kids growing up remembering that mom cooked stuff they didn’t like at the holidays.

I do think they will grow up (and hopefully out) of their present state of picky-eater-ness; but in the meantime they don’t like the traditional holiday dinners, so why am I killing myself making them?

Not only that, but my own memories of the past few Christmases are of my husband and kids playing with all the new toys while I fretted over when to start the gravy.

So this year I asked Jim what he thought about bagging the fancy meal and cooking something that would a) be less work, and b) garner fewer complaints.

He was up for it, so I made a plan: Cook something nice on Christmas Eve (like a turkey), and assemble a casserole (like turkey-noodle) to be heated up on Christmas Day.

It was a great plan, but we were so busy on Christmas Eve, that I did not make the nice dinner.

Or assemble a casserole.

Even so, on Christmas day we had homemade cinnamon rolls -

And homemade cheese dip (it was supposed to be a cheese ball but I do not excel at reading directions) -

And mini meatball sandwiches that were unbelievably delicious -

And it was perfect.

The kids were so busy playing that they had to be nagged to eat anything at all, never mind something elaborate.

And by elaborate, I mean food that requires silverware.

Here are just a few of the terrific comments that have been caught in my spam filter -

Followed a link to your website and really enjoyed reading some of the poems here. Thank you for posting them.

Finally, my poetry is recognized.

You lost me, buddy. I mean, I suppose I get what youre saying. I get where youre coming from. But you just seem to have forgotten that there are people out there who can see this issue for what it really is and may not agree with you. You seem to alienate a whole bunch of people who might have been fans of your blog.

Sorry, Dude. I know The Real Housewives can be an inflammatory topic.

There are masses of seats in Chuck E Cheese. We tend to haven’t had to wait to be seated.

Umm….that’s nice?

Poor Anderson Earwood thinks I am an internet therapist -

Virtually all I can think about is smoking. I am in a really depressing emotional state.

And yesterday I got some help desk type questions from someone called Aansprakelijkheidsverzekering. Can you imagine having that many letters in your name? It must suck when she is filling out forms. She probably can’t play sports because her name would run right into her armpits on her shirt.

This afternoon I took the kids outside.

They tell me they are going to ride trikes like nice little stepford children, but it’s just a trick because the minute they haul all the assorted bikes and trikes into the driveway, they abandon them and go hunting for dirt. Those kids could find a mud puddle in a drought. Going outside always turns into a big, stupid, pain in my ass that results in dirty floors, afternoon baths, and demands for hot chocolate.

So I huddled in the garage with my knitting, listened to the radio and wondered when Timothy Olyphant was coming back to television (mmmm….Timothy Olyphant…). The kids went around the corner of the house and hunted for dinosaur bones, which was actually code for Digging Up All The Bulbs In The Flowerbed.

After a while, Little came up to me.

Little: Mommy, I have a story about Ranger Little! She works in the woods.

Me: Oh, are you a Park Ranger today?

Little: NO, Mom (eye roll), it’s not about ME, it’s about a DIFFERENT Little and she’s a RANGER. Now let me tell the story. (unspoken: zomg mom, keep up.)

Once upon a time, there was Ranger Little, and she worked in the forest.

One day, she heard a rumble and it was an earthquake and she fell into a CRACK! And then, she said YOWCH! because there were stickers down there!

And then she popped her head up and heard another sound, like this - sssSSSSssss.

And it was a SNAKE! And the snake ATE Ranger Little! He started at the head and went CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! and ate her ALL up!

And then Ranger Little turned into snake poop.

The End.

Mexican Wedding Cake Cookies

Cream together:
1 cup softened (not melted!) butter
¾ cup confectioner’s sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
Blend in:
1 cup chopped nuts (almonds or walnuts)
2 cups flour

Shape into ¾” balls. Place ½” apart on greased cookie sheet.

Bake 25-30 minutes @ 325 degrees, or until barely golden around edges,

Roll in confectioner’s sugar while still warm.

Sharing is optional.

The other day, I took Big grocery shopping with me. I make my lists in steno notebooks, and I usually let the kids draw pictures while we are shopping. You know, to distract them from whining.

While we were in the checkout, he showed me what he had drawn -

Big: Look what I drew! It’s me and you and Daddy and Little and we are all holding hands and the hearts tell how the love goes through all of us.

Me (choking back tears because DUDE! The sweetness!): Oh buddy, that is so nice! I love it. And are those flowers at the bottom?

Big: No, we are watching tv. See the remote?

• Why does Twitter think I need to follow the Diesel for Men Cologne Twitter feed? Has it developed an opinion about my hygiene? Can Twitter SMELL me?

• Why does Twitter think I need to follow Weight Watchers? Can Twitter SEE me? Why is Twitter so mean?

• Why did it take me a full 60 seconds of trying to put on my underwear the other morning before I realized it was one of my daughter’s tank tops?

• Why did I just admit that?

• Why did I not realize that cutting all my jeans into capri’s would result in Freezing Cold Ankles in December? Can I solve this problem with knee-high socks without getting weird looks?

• Why is Kate Gosselin SO unpleasant?

Here we are at the last week of Just Finish Something Already! That’s right people - this blog hop is officially finished! So link up – surely you’ve accomplished great things. Or mediocre things. Or SOMEthing….

I am happy to announce that I have finished Christmas shopping. I planned, price-compared, and made ridiculously detailed Excel spreadsheets that kept track of what I bought and how much I spent.

I discovered a couple of great gifts this year that I am really excited about.

First, Fortamajigs. I bought these for mostly selfish reasons – mainly, I am tired of donating all the sheets and blankets in the house to Big’s fort-making enterprises. These are lightweight, and have velcro attachments to secure them around table legs or trees or the postman or whatever victim my tiny people can find to inflict themselves on. I am SUPER EXCITED about this pressie. The Fortamajig website was offering a set of the main Fortamajig and the Connectables at a better price than I found them for separately on that Other Place I am Addicted To, and – the best part – free shipping!

And then! I got one of the eternally-in-my-inbox toy advertisements, this one for Toobeez. Toobeez are essentially gigantic tinker-toys that are designed to be the SKELETON of a FORT. I already had the Fortamajigs in my Christmas stash to replace my sheets as the skin of a fort, and here was a product that could also free up the dining room table! After reading many reviews, I ordered a set. They also do FREE SHIPPING! 

Quite frankly, free shipping is THE key to my little tightwad consumer heart. If you don’t do free shipping, you are dead to me.

DEAD, I say.

This is also going to be The Year of the Bike. We decided to go with Go Glide bikes, because….well, once again for selfish reasons. I just am not interested in running up and down the street for hours on end trying to teach my kids how to ride a bike.

What? I said I was selfish.

I might run somewhere if there was a good sale at the end of it. Or a big piece of cake.

I stumbled upon this Glide Bike concept that teaches kids how to balance before you introduce the whole peddling idea.  I read about eighteen-thousand reviews of the various kinds of bikes and the general consensus seems to be that it is much easier for kids to go right to a bicycle - skipping the training wheels – if they start out gliding.

Which, fortuitously, also plays into my whole Mama-Sits-on-a-Chair-and-Doesn’t-Run-Anywhere scenario.

Of course, the Lego people got a chunk of change (as they do every year), and there will be big piles of books for everyone. That’s pretty much it. I was aiming for spending my money thoughtfully, somewhat frugally (and by that I don’t mean not spending anything, I mean getting my money’s worth), and buying stuff that does not take up a lot of space. 

* I am just listing all these things because this is really what I bought, and really why I bought it. I am not being given any reason to say anything about these products one way or the other – sadly I am not famous enough for that. Dang it.

** I do feel like the Toobeez will probably be used as weapons at some point. There is really nothing I can do to stop it, except issue my standard, “if you get hurt doing that, I’m not going to feel sorry for you” warning. I mean, I have a boy. And a girl who spends all her time with a boy and is even more fearless than he is. So, whatever. As long as they don’t hit me or my teevee….