Weird and Irrational

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

I have a lot of weird and irrational fears.

Well, I don’t think they are irrational, obviously; but I threw that in there to seem less crazy.

When my sister went away to college, I used to call her and give her random bits of advice. Don’t drink and sit in a hot tub. Don’t drink and swim. Don’t drink and go boating (do you know how many alcohol + water fatalities there are every year?) Don’t let your beverages out of your sight at a party.

How would she know what to be afraid of if I didn’t tell her? I was doing my sisterly duty.

Last year for Christmas she told me she wanted new drinking glasses to celebrate buying her first house. I immediately sent her an email outlining the advantages of acrylic over glass. What if I bought her glass and her dishwasher went on the fritz and she had to wash her dishes by hand and she cut herself deeply, passed out from loss of blood and her cats ate her before anyone discovered her body? 

That would be gross.

And what about balloons? Those things are Instruments of Death. I’ve never let either of the kids play with one. 

All the things the government has banned, yet they have totally missed the balloon thing. Once we were in Kansas visiting Jim’s family when Big was about 10 months old. One of his relatives was letting their 2 year old play with a balloon. I was, natch, horrified at that. I pulled Jim aside and hissed, “do you SEE what they are letting him PLAY WITH? Can you BELIEVE IT?!” like it was a dirty needle or something. 

These same people later demonstrated to us how much the baby loved beer, and how cute that was. More horrified whispering ensued, “why don’t they just change his name to ALCOHOLIC and be done with it!”

Sometimes you just don’t want to know what sort of gene pool you’re dealing with.

I have a friend who never lets her kids have spiral-bound notebooks because she worries the metal spiral thingy will get caught in their eye.

Now THAT’S weird.

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9 Responses to “Weird and Irrational”

  1. hi kooky Says:

    Rest assured, you are not alone.
    hi kooky´s last blog post ..odd

  2. Melanie Says:

    I’m afraid of bears and germs. Mostly bears. Okay, only bears.
    Melanie´s last blog post ..Honolulu HI

  3. Mrs. C Says:

    I’d be more than a little concerned that parents are letting a two-year-old drink alcohol. But the spiral notebooks are more a pain in the hiney in that they catch on your clothes and rip them. Never got one into my eye… you’d have to WORK at that before an accident like that could happen!!
    Mrs. C´s last blog post ..More India Stuff

  4. Heather Says:

    Hmmm… I’ve always been afraid of driving off a bridge into the water… because those medians and retaining walls are ONLY 3-4 feet high after all. You could SO jump those ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ style with the right motivation.
    That and clowns. Clowns are clearly the Devil’s handiwork, and yet somehow, my oldest actually thinks they’re ‘fun’. Weird kid.
    ~h
    Heather´s last blog post ..Wordless Wednesday: Housekeeping and Homeschooling

  5. Helena Says:

    My fears seem really boring now. Just those regular ones, like flying, and um, flying. And did I mention I’m afraid of flying? So now I need to get me a newfangled cool fear, like a fear of jello. Or of thoughts…
    Your fears take you some wild and wonderful places, Deb. Kind of like a carnival ride you don’t really want to be on. Hopefully you aren’t afraid of Australia, so you can visit some day 🙂
    Helena´s last blog post ..finishing

  6. grit Says:

    toothbrushing while fooling about. i have a phobia that the toothbrush will be knocked into their throats and they will swallow it. i don’t like watching when they jump over things either. so i’d be surprised if they became professional high jump athletes because they think the ordinary audience response is to put your hands over your eyes.
    grit´s last blog post ..Living in the past

  7. Connie Weiss Says:

    Here we go again. More reasons that I’m convinced that we were separated at birth.

    I caught my husband letting my kids take a balloon with the string attached TO BED!

    Let’s just strangle them in their SLEEP!
    Connie Weiss´s last blog post ..Ghosts of Halloween Past

  8. Applie Says:

    LOL

    Yeah, you’re weird.

    I can’t think of anything weird I am afraid of. I learned a couple of years ago I am claustrophobic, but I don’t think that is weird.
    Applie´s last blog post ..Yummy Bats!

  9. Kendra/The Queen of Brussels Sprouts Says:

    Hot Dogs and Grapes….

    #1 and #2 causes of choking deaths in the United states….

    Be afraid, be very afraid 😉
    Kendra/The Queen of Brussels Sprouts´s last blog post ..Pumpkin Puree