• Courtney Cox and Whatshisname Arquette are splitting up? Come on! If these fancy Hollywood people can’t make it, what hope do the rest of us have? (sarcasm font)
• Is Kourtney Kardashian really thinking of having another baby with that idiot? Those girls must be dumber than I thought.
• I CAN NOT WAIT for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills tonight! This should be the creme de la creme of self-absorbed, self-centered rich girls!
The Epitome of Extravagance!
The Pinnacle of Plastic Surgery!
The Shrillest of the Shallowest!
The . . . no, I guess that’s all I’ve got.
Wait – The Nadir of Narcissism!
• My family does not appreciate my awesomeness enough.
For example, A thousand years ago, before we had kids, we were watching some home-improvement show and they were talking about composting. I think I mentioned casually that making your own dirt seemed pretty cool. And then 6 months later, my husband bought me a composter for my birthday. Which I thought was weird, but also sort of cute, but also confusing because I have randomly commented on lots of things that never turned into a birthday gift. In fact, I have commented POINTEDLY about things that never turned into gifts.
ANYway, the point here is that we have been hauling this composter around for 8 or 9 years now. It’s still in the box, because I realized that “compost” is a word that means Put Your Garbage in a Pile and Let it Rot. Now however, I have a five year old boy who is into gardening, and he and his dad were talking about composting. I, Super Home School Mom And Excellent Wife Extraordinaire, upon hearing about this interest, went into my filing cabinet and found the instruction manual for the composter AND a little propaganda booklet on the joys of composting WITHIN 10 SECONDS.
Manuals that I filed away 9 YEARS AGO.
I thought that this level of organization was so impressive that I would surely get a ticker-tape parade. Or a “Wow! You found that already? You must be so organized! How did I get so lucky?” Or something.
*Was that a tantalizing title or what? It is applicable in so many ways!