Big Fat Liar McLiarPants *or* Why Bother?

In CategoryKnitting

Deciding to knit these man socks on worsted weight yarn for extra cozi-ness (and fewer stitches – am I going to knit 100 stitches around on size 0 needles before I even know if he likes a hand knit sock? I think not), I decide a swatch is in order. V. annoyed by this, as I hate swatching. But if a thing is worth doing…

I decide to use the Slide The Work Over And Carry The Yarn Across The Back To Avoid Purling Because Don’t You Know Purling Will Ruin Your Gauge, Dumbass method.

So I get my size 3’s and cast on 15 stitches. I knit about a half inch, but then decide that a swatch is only going to be accurate if it is the right size.

So I knit another half inch.

After I cast off, I realized (as usual) that I should have made the edges garter stitch because trying to uncurl the swatch to measure gauge is turning into a pain in my ass. Also my floats across the back are too tight and I have to kind of muscle the swatch to get it to lie flat. Obviously, the solution is just to cut all the floats. I mean, it’s a swatch. All it has to do is lie there and not unravel until I measure it. How hard is that?

It’s not brain surgery, you stupid swatch.

After I found my gauge, I cast on. I even, in and effort to avoid Single Sock Syndrome (single socks are all I have so far), bought extra needles and cast on both socks at the same time. I am rocking this project so far, people.

Knit, knit, knit. Check actual project gauge. Recheck project gauge. Recheck swatch gauge. Feel confused. The sock bears absolutely no resemblance to the swatch.

I feel betrayed.

Lookit. I know I knit the swatch straight when I am knitting the sock in the round. What was I supposed to do – knit a swatch in the round? What kind of psycho person does that? Also, apparently the Slide the Work Over method distorted my gauge even more than purling would have. And cutting the floats might have made a wee bit of difference. And I guess I could have knit it a little bigger. But still, I knitted this stupid thing, and now it lies directly to my face?

Now my concern turns to how much smaller is this going to make the sock? I had two legs knitted before I checked my project gauge, and the show must go on. I’ll stuff these suckers full of beans and put them in front of doors to keep drafts out before I frog four hundred thousand stitches. I turned the heel and decreased down to the foot so he could try it on to see what he thought of the fit. After all, if it’s going to be too small, I’ll knit the foot shorter and take them for myself.

He says they are great. Apparently he likes them tight. I have some reservations about this. Wearing a snug sock for a second and a half during the commercial might be a little different than wearing them during a Bones marathon. (mmm…Special Agent Seeley Booth…). We’ll see what happens when they are done. Hopefully it won’t be gangrene toes.

In a related story, a rather unpleasant side effect of knitting socks for my spouse is that I have developed an inordinate interest in the state of his feet. I find myself surreptitiously peeking at his store bought socks and feeling appalled at abuse they take. I have begun muttering darkly about Certain People needing to trim their toenails, lest they be deemed Unworthy of Hand Knits.

It’s a little disturbing, actually. I don’t want to be thinking about his feet this much.