Toilets and the Men Who Use Them: A Rant

In CategoryNavel Gazing

I was reading Tracy at Just Another Mommy Blog this morning, and she was talking about keeping her house clean. And then she said something about bathrooms and man-pee.

That’s when my head began to pound and the room went black. Then red. Because OH MY GOSH WITH THE PEE!

Seriously – what is the deal? We are talking about a hole a foot in diameter, and it’s only a couple feet from the business end of the . . . ah . . . business. Maybe if they actually PAID ATTENTION to what they are doing, it wouldn’t go everywhere. I walked past the bathroom once and my husband was LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW.


One mystery solved.

Forget separate sinks in a bathroom. I can share a sink. I want separate toilets. NO! Separate bathrooms entirely! Separate houses! I could live in a tiny guest house in the backyard where no other humans are allowed. Imagine — no muffin crumbs, no dirt, no football, no man-pee . . .

It’s probably what heaven is like.

At the very least I should get one of those wall-mounted toilets like they have in WalMart. No pressing your face against the side of the toilet to scrape the pee out from behind it, just mop underneath. And instead of a rug, throw down one of those disposable paper drop clothy thingys like they put in your car when you go to the mechanic. Toss it in the trash at the end of the day!

Or how about a bathroom that is completely tiled and waterproof, with a big sprayer in the ceiling and a drain in the floor? I can just spray scalding hot water everywhere to clean it. Like a car wash. Or a dishwasher. Or something. Just as long as it doesn’t involve me being in close proximity to dried pee.

I don’t know why I’m not rich. Look at all these terrific ideas.

*Did I say “toilet” too many times? No? TOILET.

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6 Responses to “Toilets and the Men Who Use Them: A Rant”

  1. Tressa Says:

    ROFL! Gross. I so feel your pain. I have been known to holler through the door, “I should be hearing water hit water in there!”
    Tressa´s last blog post ..Visit with the orthopedic surgeon

  2. Diane Says:

    I am right with you on this one. We have a boys bathroom downstairs and a girls bathroom upstairs just for those reasons.
    Diane´s last blog post ..Something Exciting

  3. tracey Says:

    Forget the fancy bathrooms: they should just pee in the shower. That would eliminate ALL of this hassle!
    tracey´s last blog post ..If you could see the carnage I came home to- you wouldnt judge a repost

  4. Mrs. C Says:

    I don’t care as long as they CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS! Good luck with that… though I’m proud to say that I taught my oldest two to SIT to go pee. They still do, except when they are out in public.

    Was that TMI or what??

    PS. If you haven’t been back to see comments it IS sponsored by Coke and Pepsi and they ARE asking for it to be in the national standards… yep.
    Mrs. C´s last blog post ..Please Quit Being So Fat

  5. The Lumberjack's Wife Says:

    Ha! I have that problem with my 2 year old, but thankfully, never had one with my husband!!
    The Lumberjack’s Wife´s last blog post ..The Pie Incident

  6. Deb Says:

    Tressa – I realized the other night that I actually WAKE UP in the night to make sure I am hearing the water/water noise and not the water/tile noise when the kids are in the bathroom. Gah. When will these tiny people quit interferring with my sleep?

    Tracey – Come on! I am not putting my delicate toesies in a pee shower!

    Mrs. C – you crack me up! I did try to implement the Sit Down policy with my son, but I was over-ruled my husband.