Surviving Another Stupid Business Trip

In CategoryNavel Gazing

July 1

Husband comes home from work and announces that he has to go on a business trip in 10 days. And he will be gone for 12 days. Try to remain calm. Fail.

July 2-11

Freak out trying to get laundry and grocery shopping done for the upcoming siege. Realize that since he works from home, hubby has the wardrobe of a down-on-his-luck surfer and we also need to go clothes shopping.

July 12

Hubby leaves 5am. Kids wake up at 7, already missing Daddy. Have brilliant idea to feed the kids all their meals at the picnic table, hopefully eliminating the need to clean the kitchen eleventy times a day. Best Friend, L, shows up for a couple of hours in the afternoon and hands out extra hugs and kisses to everyone, bless her.

Give kids reasonable healthy dinner and chuck them in bed. Warn of dire consequences if anyone gets up from bed to do anything other than pee. Celebrate one-twelfth of a job well done by sprinkling sugar on refrigerated pie crust dough, baking it, and calling it dinner.

Begin text message negotiations with Jim to determine if we can coordinate our teevee viewing.

11pm – 4am spend in bathroom, cursing whoever decided pie crust was a suitable dinner. Around 4:05 am, Little wakes up crying and comes into bed with me. At 6am, Big comes in and pitches huge, migraine inducing fit that Little is already ahead of him on cuddles for the day. Send hubby email full of lurid details and profanity. Wonder if there is a liquor store that delivers.

July 13 – 16

Rely heavily on Starbucks, Flintstones reruns, and macaroni & cheese. Picnic meals are effing BRILLIANT but I can’t figure out when to take a shower. Feel sorry for Jim, who is missing my incredibly witty commentary on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Ponder philosophical questions – If someone snarks at teevee, but no one is there to appreciate it…?

Become exhausted at being the only person fielding all the questions a five year old boy can think of. Think very seriously about getting one of those people-counter-clicky-thingys to keep track. Probably it would lead to carpel-tunnel syndrome.

Have to take out the trash AND kill a spider all by myself. Hope for rain every day because I do not know how to water the grass.

July 17

Hubby emails and says that they have teamed up and badgered the managers to let them come home early. He is coming home tomorrow! Warn him of VERY SEVERE consequences if this turns out to be a trick.

July 18

Yay, hubby home at 1:30! Say hello and get him and the kids settled in front of Huckleberry Hound to cuddle. Flee to bedroom and sleep like the dead for three hours.

I don’t know how single parents or military wives do it. I really don’t. The whole time, I was so focused on keeping the machine of the family running; I barely had any time for cuddles or playing. I made every effort to not be grouchy, but I was so busy and overwhelmed at doing it all myself and trying to make my patience stretch all day long, that I wasn’t exactly Captain Fun either. I had all these plans to make popsicles and run through the sprinklers and read The Bobbsey Twins and have pancakes for dinner…but somehow it never happened.