Things That Annoy Me

In CategoryNavel Gazing
  • When I am knitting and the pattern calls for buttons to be on the left, does that mean on the left if you are WEARING the sweater or the left when you are LOOKING at the sweater? And if I put them on the wrong side for a baby sweater per the Archaic Rule of Gender Button Holes, will the mama notice? If she notices and then complains, is it then ok to then rip the sweater out of her hands and consider her dead to me? 


  • I just went thru the kids’ clothes to get ready to shop for summer stuff. Little has worn Big’s hand-me-downs for so long that I was shocked all over again at how differently they size boys and girls clothes – and I am shopping in the Toddler department! It’s ridiculous. I ended up taking some of the girl’s shorts back because they are just so impractical – not to mention immodest. Is an INSEAM too much to ask for, people? I can’t have her sitting in the dirt, digging, in what amounts to Hot Pants. Not only are they INCHES shorter than the boys version, but they are also narrower – when we did the fashion show, she could barely climb up the Teetering Tower of Danger that Big had built because they were so tight. Hello – why are the girl’s clothes narrower? Which gender is it again that actually HAS hips and a butt? Short and tight at the age of three? I don’t think so. I have a whole tirade for this topic, but I will try to restrain myself.  I ended up just getting shorts in the boys department and shirts in the girls (in a size 5! to avoid the hoochie look). I can just see the writing on the wall. Every clothes shopping trip I am going to have to be on Hoochie Alert. 


  • We have a crazy-acting squirrel that is being really aggressive in the back yard. I thought maybe he had rabies or something. Well, it turns out that the neighbor is FEEDING them! Out of his HAND! Idiot. Can you believe that? What is wrong with these people? Squirrels are just big RATS, for crying out loud. No wonder the squirrel was pouncing on the rocks Jim was throwing at it to scare it away. I can’t spend the summer in some ridiculous stand-off with a SQUIRREL. Our stupid neighborhood association sent us threatening mail because we had a WEED growing by our fence (seriously – the letter said that women and small children were afraid to walk on the sidewalk because of the weeds. I don’t know how slightly-built men felt), but they could care less that I am practically a hostage to a freaking squirrel.


  • I thought of another annoying thing the other night, but then I forgot what it was, so now I am annoyed by THAT.