Random Monday

In CategoryRandom Monday
ByDeb

Random-Monday-Main-Final

• I got an email from Ashley Madison over the weekend. Ashley Madison apparently being an online matchmaking service, but for married people. The subject line was “Life is Short! Have an Affair!”

Firstly, is that really a compelling argument for an affair? Because life is short? All that tagline does is make me want to come up with my own – “Life is Short! Make a Huge Mistake While You Still Can!” or “Life is Short! Make Your Kids Hate You Forever!” or “Regret Not Being a Whore in High School? Make up for Lost Time!”

Secondly, how did Ashley Madison get my email address? I am not their target demographic. For one thing, between homeschooling and a husband that works from home, the last time I was alone was in 2004. Plus also I have already reassured Jim that I would only cheat if it was with George Clooney. He was like, “well, have him buy you lots of presents, we could use the money.”

This post, which contains one of the best lines I’ve ever read about being a stay-at-home-mom - I didn’t give up myself for them. I became my true self through loving and mothering them.

• I need some suggestions for books for Little. She is a competent reader, but she doesn’t have the confidence to match. She like to read below her ability (which is fine), and she also basically refuses to read books that her brother read first. So the Boxcar Children, Cul-de-Sac Kids, The Littles…. all those awesome series’ that I gave Big are dead to her. I downloaded some Beverly Cleary – I read all her books when I was a kid – but want to preview them first for content.

Any other ideas? Finding books I find acceptable is a real struggle, and having her turn up her nose at Big’s books doesn’t help. I find most contemporary books lacking. The writing is insipid, the storylines are uninteresting, and finding books without magic, witches, or supernatural stuff is near impossible. Yes, I am one of those people who has never read Harry Potter. Judge me if you must, I know I am eye-rollingly picky.

Help? Melanie? Tressa? Karen? Anyone?

• Happy Monday, y’all!

Bad Things

In CategoryNavel Gazing
ByDeb

• First of all, I was supposed to get a root canal this morning. But my stupid tooth did not respond to the “tests” aka “mean and hurty things with tiny hammers.” So she told me I should wait and see what happens. I’ll tell you what is going to happen – I’ll be having a root canal in two weeks.

• Second of all, and this is the WORST, I was at TJ Maxx with New Friend (how I have survived this long without the joy of designer fashions at affordable prices, I don’t know), and the checkout boy said to me, “you look familiar, I wonder if you are one of my mom’s friends.”

HIS MOM, PEOPLE.

As I was sputtering about this on the way out to the car, New Friend – who shall be known henceforth as Probationary Friend – said, “you know you’re old enough to be that boy’s mama, right?”

Betrayal, people. You don’t even know.

I am certain there’s more, especially since I took a quiz on Facebook that proclaimed me 47% Bitchy, but I can’t remember because of that Old Enough to be a College Kid’s Mother business.

Random Monday

In CategoryNavel Gazing, Random Monday
ByDeb

Random-Monday-Main-Final

I have such a backlog of stories, I don’t know where to begin.

• Big and I were going around and around about something the other day, and I told him to quit arguing with me, and he burst out, “I wouldn’t BE arguing with you if you’d just AGREE with me!”

• I accidentally saw a preview for a new show last night called Game of Crowns and it’s apparently about the most horrible people in the world and their quest to be Mrs. America. I don’t get pageants. I BARELY get why a teenager would do them (being that teenagers are inherently narcissistic and like being told how pretty they are), but why a grown woman with a husband and kids needs to spend that kind of money for whatever minuscule tidbit of validation a pageant offers escapes me.

BAM! I’m back and as judgey as ever!

• In my quest to fit everything we own into a house half the size, I have now acquired 245 Ikea bookcases. That makes me an official homeschooler, right? When my front room looks like Ikea vomited all over it?

Workroom
yes, I know there’s an ugly box up there that needs to be unpacked, get off my back, man

• Random links I’ve been saving for you -

How to be the Best Food Blogger of All by Joy the Baker. This cracked me up.

A Better Way to Say Sorry at cuppacocoa. This got me thinking. There’s definitely got to be something better than the grudgingly mumbled “sorry.”

• Happy Monday, y’all!

 

Has it really been 6 weeks?

In CategoryRandom Monday
ByDeb

New-House

Okay, so I guess it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. I’ve thought of you guys often in a “oh, I have to tell my peeps about that!” sort of way.

The short version of what we’ve been doing is buying a house and moving. The longer version is, we bought a house, tore the place up, then tried to put it back together ourselves. One thing we didn’t quite think through was the part about how we aren’t 25 anymore. Being in my late thirties (aka 43), leads to a significantly tired-er mom and wife at the end of a day (or three) spent crawling around on my hands and knees painting stairs.

In any event, I have lots of projects to show you, pics of the new house, and my signature delightful storytelling blathering on about the choosing of Paint Colors.

Paint Colors are v. serious, you know. I bought something like 25 sample pots. And proceeded to paint them all in every room and every hallway.

Not kidding.

I also have noticed that it is now MAY and I am groaning through reading all kinds of blog posts about powering through the last few weeks of school. You know what these blog posts make me think? “Oh, right. School.” As near as I can tell, we still have something like 10 weeks of work ahead of us. The kids are super excited. Working all summer! Again! Yay us!

Whatever. It’ll be fine. Probably I won’t hardly complain about it at all.

Because I’ll be too busy regaling you with stories of how I need to get rid of a bunch of crap so we fit in this house.

Yes. I know. I just told those stories a few years ago.

Apparently I have been never-flagging in my diligence to acquire new stuff. I don’t know how this happens. I need Minimalist Deb to crawl out from under that pile of old wool sweaters that I meant to make Christmas stockings out of, grab Thrifting Deb by the shoulder and give her a firm shake.

In conclusion, I miss you all, I adore you all (especially everyone who emailed wondering where I was), and I shall be back. Maybe even with a riveting and pin-worthy story on How To Arrange Your Mini-Muffin Pans So You Don’t Look Like A Hoarder.